


Self-Loathing

by time_for_tooru



Category: Original Work
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Essays, Genderfluid Character, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 09:47:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9434168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/time_for_tooru/pseuds/time_for_tooru
Summary: They never questioned their own hate.//An introspective essay I wrote to release my feelings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: This story contains graphic descriptions of manic depression and self hate. If these are of any significance to you, please do not read. The gender of the speaker is left to the reader to decide. Soowong is referred to as “they” for pronouns in this story.

The point of the gun is aimed right at their face. Soowong supposes that it’s kind of sad that they couldn’t care less about being shot. They figure that it’s because they want to die so much that a gunshot would be the best way for a sinner like Soowong to go. Slow and painful, just like they deserve. Soowong thinks back to 8th grade, when they first took a girl out to boba* in the city.  
“I used to want to protect people. Fight crime and stuff,” Soowong had said.  
“What happened?” the girl had asked. Soowong thinks her name was Leemin. Or Mingyoon. Something pretty, that Soowong doesn’t deserve.  
“I’m scared of guns,” they had replied, laughing. How ironic, Soowong thinks now, to once have been scared of what’s about to kill them. The gun, however, is a welcome sight to Soowong’s eyes. They used to wonder, in college, if hating yourself this much was normal. How couldn’t it be, to someone who deserved it as much as Soowong? Death was the only option for someone like them. They had always managed to ruin the nicest things. This is why they deserved this, since they always left people broken and destroyed. Bad luck takes the title of Soowong’s best friend.  
The gun fires, and Soowong smiles. It’s time to end your time on this earth, you rotten creature, they think, as death takes them by the hand to lead Soowong to hell.  
*boba: bubble tea, commonly sold in cafés.


End file.
